A Warning Sign

"Your fun and playful personality keeps you young and youthful. Although you are easy going, you tend to have lower self-confidence and anxiety about specific things in your life. You are usually unorganized; yet don’t even know where to start to help yourself to fix the messy problem. You are a proud individual but you need to learn to love yourself more. You need to take the time to find yourself through self expression. How are you currently expressing yourself to the world? Remember that there are people around you that can help you, but you need to let them know you are willing to receive help. Life is easier when you let people in."

Tulisan Lain Tentang Masa yang Lalu

Ini tulisan ke-2 yang aku tulis untuk kalian yang selalu berhasil memecah sedikit tangis saat aku benar benar merindukan kalian. Sampai hampir 3 taun sejak kita tak lagi disatukan dalam suatu ruang kelas untuk iseng-iseng memakai seragam abu-abu. Rindu ini ternyata bukan hanya milikku karena ada beberapa lain diantara kita yang menyampaikan hal yang sama, ya menyampaikan rindu kepada kalian yang tak mampu terkalahkan. Mungkin kita akan segera menua karena jarum waktu tak akan diam saja untuk beberapa waktu, tapi keyakinanku jarum waktu tak mampu membunuh ingatanku dan juga kuharap kalian, akan setiap detail kenangan haru, konyol, lucu atau apapun yang sudah pernah kita tulis dalam naskah semesta alam. Semoga.
 
Sudah hampir 3 taun ini aku juga tidak pernah mencoba berhenti untuk bersilaturohmi dengan kalian, walaupun tidak selalu mampu dengan cara bertatap muka secara langsung. Ternyata jarum waktu telah banyak merubah kita, lebih tepatnya mengembangkan kita. Telah banyak cerita yang aku kantongi dan tersimpan rapi dalam saku kenangan. Cerita-cerita kalian selalu membuatku diam sesaat untuk mengagumi apa saja yang telah kalian lakukan. Ada cerita tentang kalian yang hampir rampung, segera menyematkan toga, ada pula yang bercerita karya karyanya yang dimuat dirubrik majalah, menjadi ketua di beberapa organisasi atau apapun itu, ada yang mempunyai tanggungjawab lebih karena sudah hidup berdampingan atas nama Tuhan, bercerita tentang perjuangannya yang menemukan pencariannya, perjuangannya yang ingin segera meraih mimpi-mimpi yang ada di kepalanya, atau ingin segera menikah karena cintanya yang menggebu ingin segera disahkan oleh Gusti, dan masih banyak lagi yang jika aku ceritakan secara detail akan membuat mata kalian lebih berkaca-kaca, mungkin.
 
Yang jelas, dan yang aku ketahui tidak satupun diantara kalian yang pernah benar benar sengaja ingin menciderai hal-hal yang telah kita lakukan selama dua tahun mungkin lebih dalam kebersamaan kita, jikapun ada yang tersakiti karena mungkin merasa dilupakan, itu semata-mata sebuah ketidak-sengajaan karena mungkin sedang sibuk-sibuknya dengan hal-hal baru tengah ditekuni. Sebenarnya juga bukan hak dari siapapun diantara kita untuk menuntut tidak saling melupakan satu diantara lain, tapi sedulur, aku yakin tanpa dituntutpun kalian sudah tau dimana porsi kenangan kenagan itu harus diletakan. Karena jika terus memelihara ini, aku percaya kita telah melalukan suatu hal baik. Terimakasih untuk kalian yang terus erat satu sama lain tanpa pamrih dan tulus. Terimakasih!

Tulisan seorang teman lama saya, Rizal Bagus Prakoso a.k.a Item yang dari dulu senang menulis, tapi entah kenapa tidak membuat blog sendiri. Tentang 39 makhluk berseragam putih abu-abu yang menciptakan beragam kenangan maha menyenangkan.

The Anchors Called Secrets

Everyone has a secret they will never tell to anybody.
Secrets, are things that are better left that way, in order to keep our lives going on the right tracks.  Untold. Even to those who are very close to us. Time will help revealing some secrets to some (un)lucky people. But everyone will die with some secrets they still keep, anyway.
We don't tell secrets because we are afraid of what people will be thinking about us after they know the fact that we're not the person they thought we are. That's how secret works. Changing the way they think about us. That's why...that's why we keep on keeping secrets.
You are who you are when no one is watching. Enjoying your guilty pleasure, doing things people never thought you do, playing memories inside your head, listening to songs that bring your mind wanders into somewhere only you know, crying over the past, or maybe wishing you still have a chance to make up your what-could-have-been...

This One Should Be Untitled But I've Had Too Much 'Untitled' So Whatever

I have two bad habits in writing. First, I feel like there are soooo many things I wanna write but end up stop writing before I finish it, just because I don't know how to spill them out. Second, I can't stop editing my writings, even the old ones (which I know nobody will read it, but still...).This time I promise, I will finish this one and never press the edit button.

I love the way I see people differently after I read their blogs. Generally, I'm impressed with any kind of writings. As long as they write, I'll love it. Well, unless if Th3y wr!t3 thYz w4y then it will never impress me, no matter how cool the content is. Oh pardon me, back to the main topic. Really, reading blogs changes the way I see them. Into a better sight, of course. I dunno if it's weird, but I feel like I know them better than before, and I want to know them more, personally.
Ain't like Twitter. It often makes me think bad about people, even to those whom I've known personally. :(

Anyway, I have 2014 resolution. Only one thing, but I will push myself to fulfill it (I know you're a lazy ass but please please please, dear self, you have to do this!)
To write, at least once a month.
Let's see :p

Time Will Tell

The only reason why I seem like abandoning my blog is...because I could never finish what I wrote. Like, everything I wrote always ended up in drafts. (And when I'm writing this, I'm not sure if I can finish this one. Let's see.)

Do you ever feel the way you're changing?
I feel that way, in this past year. I can feel myself, as a person, is changing...somehow, into a different person. Both better and worse, because everything is basically having two faces, depends on the way you see it, right?

This past year, I had no time for reading. Oh do I really have no time or it's just me who don't give myself time for reading... Does this one make me feel I'm getting dumber? Yes. Big YES. I can feel that my knowledge ain't growing any inch. Because oh because even when I found an article worth reading, I wouldn't give a damn to read until finish. Too lazy to read the whole paragraphs, I would only read the summary. It's stupid, I know...I know... So, to make up all of this stupidity, I began to force myself reading-until-finish since a couple weeks ago. What to do next: challenging myself to finish reading all the books that I've-bought-but-haven't-touched.

This past year, I rarely had weekends. Weekends /wek'ends'/ (noun); the days when you're off duty, or simply allowed to sleep without alarm turned on (source: my very own dictionary). My home was only 35kms, but I couldn't afford coming home every weekends. There were this and that that I had to do... The price I gotta pay for taking the opportunities, I guess... But I didn't think the price would be this expensive...if you know what I mean...

This past year, I almost forgot to be happy. Someone once asked me, what could make me happy. I simply said, it's easy for me to find happiness because it came from simple things, like watching good movies, staying up late for reading good books or thoughtful articles & beautiful writings I found on the internet, taking random photos, having meaningful conversation with anyone,  falling in love with the songs I just heard, spending time with family, exploring new places, and writing... those things used to be very exciting for me but see...

This past year... I barely finished watching movies (because I almost always ended up sleeping in the middle of the movie, even when I was on cinema), I didn't enjoy staying up late anymore because I only did it for the sake of finishing assignments (instead of surfing on the internet for fun like how I used to be), I only used my camera on purpose (I forgot how to take random pictures...), I had no chance meeting people I really wanted to meet, I lost my interest on browsing new songs (the fact that I was listening to the same songs all the time really didn't matter anymore), rarely have time for family, going to new places in order to do something (and how am I supposed to enjoy it? This is utterly not adventuring!), and like what's written above...my writings ended up in drafts because I couldn't finish them.

This past year, I learned a lot... yep, a goddamn lot. I thanked God for giving me these opportunities... I know I could've said no to the offers, but I'm glad I said yes.
I surely would be happy if I had fully 24/7 for doing fun stuffs and being a happy-go-lucky like what I used to be. But, would I be grown up that way? Of course no. I had to have a hard time, and see if myself could get thru this. I had to have no time for pleasuring myself, because this is the way I can learn how to cherish every moment. I had to learn the hard way.
I'm learning, therefore I'm growing up. I'm getting worse at some points but I know I'm going to be a lot better than before. Flowers don't always be in blossom all the time, do they?