The Age of Worry

It's hard to put my thoughts into words when there's a mess inside my head. That's why I prefer to find the solution on my own rather than asking for help. Because I consider telling people about my problem is causing another problem.

Close your eyes and clone yourself
Build your heart an army
to defend your innocence
while you do everything wrong

But I got stuck. Self-blaming and overthinking made things worse.
I randomly said hi to an old friend of mine and started to talk.
And magic did happen.
I paid attention to every words that I had said. I slowly analyzed what actually happened, what was on my mind, and what burdened me these times.
Then I realized, that I should've done this sooner. Because things suddenly got clearer.
And it's true that there's a light even in the darkest place.

Don't be scared to walk alone
Don't be scared to like it
There's no time that you must be home
So sleep where darkness falls

God only gives you the weight that you can bear, or a little bit weightier to lift you up to the higher place, becoming a better and stronger person. And sometimes you can look around, who knows God has already put someone to help you get through it.

Alive in the age of worry
Smile in the age of worry
Go wild in the age of worry
And say, "Worry, why should I care?"

And after all, just like what my mom told me earlier today, everyone has their age of worry. Where life seems like full of clueless pieces of puzzle. It's okay, you're gonna figure it out by the time. Go try try try, and never give up.

Waiting Outside the Lines

When every decision that you make turns out to be wrong,
you shall start to realize
that sometimes things don't work the way you thought it would be.
Then you have to evaluate,
how does it come out wrong,
is it purely a wrong choice, or are you the one who did something wrong.

When you have done the best of what you can but things still go wrong,
maybe it's not the right time,
maybe it's not the right place,
maybe it's not right for you,
because it's not meant to be for you.

Embrace your loss,
because you deserve a peace.

Grow a Day Older

I learned something today, and I think it's really important to keep reminding myself about this one: happiness is a state of mind. It is very personal thing, and you've got it all in your head. You can always choose either to be happy or not at all. So, if you can choose to be happy, why do you mind choosing the other way around? :)

Today, I won against my ego; my biggest enemy. Something made me really upset, but instead of letting my ego win by throwing profanities or put myself in a war of conceited souls, I took a step back and chose to keep my hands clean. I didn't want to get myself fooling around in the same mistake over and over again. I didn't want to sacrifice my happiness for a temporal glory. So I walked away and left what's need to be left behind; the whinny ego who always wants to win.

Well, isn't it better to be peacefully happy than winning over a war? :)

A Little Reminder for Myself

Every choice comes with both good and bad things. You can not just take the good, because the bad ones are what makes the good feels good.
Being mature isn't defined by age but how you think and act. How brave you are to take the risks without you forget to calculate. How well you take responsibilities over what you have chosen. How you set up your priorities. How you manage yourself to keep chasing your goals. And realizing that obstacles are something that you have to overcome instead of to avoid.

Dear self, you have gone this far. Don't you dare thinking about starting over and leave this shits undone. Finish what you have started. Make every single day count, and don't stop when you're tired because you shall stop only when it's done. That's what grown up people do. And I know you can.
Good luck.

Like A Fool

Unless you've ever been in the same road, taking the same journey, having the same destiny...you would never know how it feels. Since everyone is struggling in their own battles, it's better to take our hands off of anyone else's problem as long as they don't ask for help. I've heard about this and that, for every decision I have made for myself. People won't stop talking but I can choose not to put my attention over those negative comments. But then again, it's easier to be said than to be done, especially for me. I should have swallowed my own advice but this is harder than taking a bitter pill.
I feel like I'm stuck inside a maze and can not choose any of the doors to lead me home. And now every step becomes harder to take. I'm staring at one door but never be sure if it's right and too afraid to get lost. I want to take my step back but still not sure if it can lead me to the right path. It's getting dark and I've got to choose before the sun goes down, but my doubt keeps my feet on the ground. Just like a fool.