The only reason why I seem like abandoning my blog is...because I could never finish what I wrote. Like, everything I wrote always ended up in drafts. (And when I'm writing this, I'm not sure if I can finish this one. Let's see.)
Do you ever feel the way you're changing?
I feel that way, in this past year. I can feel myself, as a person, is changing...somehow, into a different person. Both better and worse, because everything is basically having two faces, depends on the way you see it, right?
This past year, I had no time for reading. Oh do I really have no time or it's just me who don't give myself time for reading... Does this one make me feel I'm getting dumber? Yes. Big YES. I can feel that my knowledge ain't growing any inch. Because oh because even when I found an article worth reading, I wouldn't give a damn to read until finish. Too lazy to read the whole paragraphs, I would only read the summary. It's stupid, I know...I know... So, to make up all of this stupidity, I began to force myself reading-until-finish since a couple weeks ago. What to do next: challenging myself to finish reading all the books that I've-bought-but-haven't-touched.
This past year, I rarely had weekends. Weekends /wek'ends'/ (noun); the days when you're off duty, or simply allowed to sleep without alarm turned on (source: my very own dictionary). My home was only 35kms, but I couldn't afford coming home every weekends. There were this and that that I had to do... The price I gotta pay for taking the opportunities, I guess... But I didn't think the price would be this expensive...if you know what I mean...
This past year, I almost forgot to be happy. Someone once asked me, what could make me happy. I simply said, it's easy for me to find happiness because it came from simple things, like watching good movies, staying up late for reading good books or thoughtful articles & beautiful writings I found on the internet, taking random photos, having meaningful conversation with anyone, falling in love with the songs I just heard, spending time with family, exploring new places, and writing... those things used to be very exciting for me but see...
This past year... I barely finished watching movies (because I almost always ended up sleeping in the middle of the movie, even when I was on cinema), I didn't enjoy staying up late anymore because I only did it for the sake of finishing assignments (instead of surfing on the internet for fun like how I used to be), I only used my camera on purpose (I forgot how to take random pictures...), I had no chance meeting people I really wanted to meet, I lost my interest on browsing new songs (the fact that I was listening to the same songs all the time really didn't matter anymore), rarely have time for family, going to new places in order to do something (and how am I supposed to enjoy it? This is utterly not adventuring!), and like what's written above...my writings ended up in drafts because I couldn't finish them.
This past year, I learned a lot... yep, a goddamn lot. I thanked God for giving me these opportunities... I know I could've said no to the offers, but I'm glad I said yes.
I surely would be happy if I had fully 24/7 for doing fun stuffs and being a happy-go-lucky like what I used to be. But, would I be grown up that way? Of course no. I had to have a hard time, and see if myself could get thru this. I had to have no time for pleasuring myself, because this is the way I can learn how to cherish every moment. I had to learn the hard way.
I'm learning, therefore I'm growing up. I'm getting worse at some points but I know I'm going to be a lot better than before. Flowers don't always be in blossom all the time, do they?
