November

Hello, it's me again.
It's been a long time without any writings. I miss writing. Pouring thoughts into words is one of my kinds of catharsis, but lately.....(I don't mean to mention all the things I've been through, but) I had a really rough time. Literally.

So, it's November and Jogja has been so gloomy these days.
Gloomy. That's the only word came up in my mind whenever I think about November. Despite all the 'mostly rainy' and 'mostly windy' and 'rarely sunny', November personally gives me that really gloomy feeling.
Maybe this is the curse of being born on November.
November is the time when I always take a look on what I've done and who I've become. And it always gets me terribly sad; realizing that I'm gaining some things by losing the other things. I can't be sure of do I grow up being a better person, or the other way around. I made so much mistakes I haven't done fixing, losing so much things I probably can never replace.

Time.
That's the thing that troubled me in this past 365 days. Like, what else can I do to be friends with it??? I was trying my best to make everyone happy but... time never let me be. I do need some more time for myself and my closest persons. I miss them, a lot. I miss having quality time with these sweet people. I've had enough rough time.
Enough.
I want my old life back.

An artwork by my dearest Kinanthi Sekar

19 Ultimate

I'm currently being in a state where I change my mind twice as much as the red turns green on the traffic light.
Uh.
(What? Is this early-adulthood life crisis?)
In a second I think I'm gonna dive into my major. Get in post-graduate program right after I complete my undergraduate program, and if I'm lucky enough I will go abroad. Then, get a job, working just like what I am supposed to be (isn't it the point of getting into college, passing the hard years being the victim of what's so called curriculum?). Fulfilling my what-to-do-before-I-get-married list. And then get married, having kids I'd go hang out with every weekend. Getting old, seeing my kids having new families and making me be a granny. Enjoying my last day on a rocking chair then finally rest in peace.

But in the next second I think of how I don't wanna be a working mother. I'm just gonna spend my days with my kids, seeing them growing up and taking a lot of pictures of them so that they have their childhood memories captured on photos. (And by the way I've had sooo many photo ideas for them since pretty long time ago. Well prepared, right? :p) (Or maybe I'm just too obsessed with family photography ideas). I don't think I'm gonna get bored staying at home while my kids spending their time on the school because...well, because I also have a long list of fun things to do besides taking a thousand pictures. Baking cakes or doing any kind of experiments in the kitchen, painting, house decorating, planting flowers, taking a knitting course, making DIY stuffs, et cetera et cetera...

Can I have a sneak peak of my future life, pretty please? (•̯͡.•̯͡)

A Very Beautiful Note

Surat Terbuka untuk Anak 1993

Tahun ini, ramai-ramai kita semua bertransformasi. Muncul satu kepala baru, tanda usia makin menua. Tidak ada lagi embel-embel "belas" ketika menyebutkan nominal usia kronologis. Sepertinya itu bagus, karena setidaknya kita tidak akan lagi disebut belum cukup umur.
Di dunia nyata, setiap akhir adalah awal dari sesuatu yang baru. Begitu pula akhir masa remaja yang merupakan awal masa dewasa. Akhir dari masa selalu meminta, awal dari masa mulai memberi. Akhir dari masa minum susu peninggi badan, awal dari masa minum susu penguat tulang.

Karena setiap pertambahan hari adalah pertambahan usia, dan pertambahan usia adalah pertambahan pengalaman, mari sesekali kita merayakan. Mungkin tidak lagi dengan tiup lilin dan kue ulang tahun, tapi tetap dengan rentetan ucapan serta doa pengharapan. Mungkin tidak lagi ada kehadiran badut pesta, tapi pasti tetap ada teman-teman. Ulang tahun, seberapapun klisenya, tetap saja punya makna.
Dan di harimu, semoga kau semakin cakap menarik makna.
Dan di hidupmu, semoga kau selalu berbahagia.


Regards,
Dilla, masih 19 tahun

Nobody Said It Was Easy

Ketika orang lain meragukan kita, kenapa kita harus ikut meragu?
Ketika orang lain merendahkan kita, kenapa kita harus merasa rendah?
Ketika orang lain berkata kita tidak mampu, kenapa kita harus merasa tidak sanggup?

Ketika mereka bilang mereka saja tidak bisa, kenapa kita harus sama dengan mereka?
Ketika mereka ungkapkan banyaknya halangan, kenapa kita harus melihat ketidakmungkinan?
Ketika mereka bilang begini dan begitu, kenapa harus selalu kita dengarkan?

Dalam proses belajar, kita memang harus rajin mendengar. Tapi apa yang kita dengar tidak seharusnya selalu kita jadikan beban. Kalau terasa sakit, rasakan saja, toh itu bagian dari proses. Tidak ada salahnya kita mencoba apa yang dikata orang nyaris mustahil. Kan hanya nyaris. Toh tidak ada jaminan kita pasti gagal. Seorang hebat pernah berkata, gagal itu hanya kemungkinan, bukan kepastian. Ketika kita mungkin gagal, bukankah itu berarti kita juga mungkin berhasil?
Prediktor keberhasilan sama sekali bukanlah kesesuaian dengan rencana maupun harapan, apalagi kesuksesan. Mampu belajar dari kegagalan adalah keberhasilan besar. Sanggup memulai saja sudah bisa disebut berhasil, berhasil melawan rasa ragu. Bahkan sekedar kita berani, itu juga merupakan keberhasilan, setidaknya berhasil melawan rasa takut.

Terkadang, lebih baik sibuk berjalan daripada menyibukkan diri dengan mendengar, atau melukai hati dengan kesakitan, apalagi menumpulkan otak dengan keraguan.