Blue Whale

I guess this is how it feels to be tired but cannot sleep.
Well, it sucks. Hahaha...
So, guilty feeling is eating me up. Midnight thoughts combined with a lack of sleep and too much caffeine intake is the cruelest.
I failed in managing my priorities. I messed things up. I've given up every sources that I had, and now I'm reaching my lowest point. Sums up, I disappoint myself.

How could this happen?
I was doing well when I got everything written on the list. Since I began to forget the magic of written agendas, I started to screw things up. As simple as that: writing is simple, but it matters.

People keep telling me not to be too hard on myself, learning to say no, and the list go on and on. But deep down inside I have this hidden agenda; I wanna train myself to bear a weigher workload. I won't let myself passing a year without any personal development. I keep in mind that the pain worth the gain. So here I am, promising myself to write again.

And here, I present you, my new mate.

Cheers!

Here's to the person who makes my life a lot easier. 

Yeah the Truth is...

There’s nothing special in hellos and goodbyes. We face it like almost every time, almost in every phases of our lives. In every beginning, in every ending; since everything has expired date. Don't you think we should’ve gotten used to it?

There’s nothing special in hellos and goodbyes. There’s only some of us who takes it harder than what it should be.

Why don’t we take it as a casual thing?

It’s just that you need to tell where do you grow up, your childhood memories, your relationship with your family. Your favorite bands, your kind of music, your favorite movies, the books that changed the way you see something. Your wildest dream, your weird habits, your obsession towards Jane Austen, how you manage to remember every lines in A Walk to Remember, your delusional thoughts about the existence of Hogwarts. To explain that you’re an over-attached person, that you’re having a love-hate relationship with your car, that you can’t live without your notebook, that you love road trip so much. That you are a goddamn picky eater, that you love the scent of chocolate but hate chocolate bars, that you would love to build a house with a white walls but colorful kitchen, that you choose McD over KFC all the way, that regardless of how you look, you secretly in love with pink stuffs and flowers. To tell about your fears, your midnight thoughts, your scariest nightmare. Your pride as a person, your accomplishments, and your insecurities. Your dreams, and the values you hold for life.

And then you realize you have shared so much to a person who used to mean the world to you. 

That a goodbye can never be easy, and a hello costs a lot more than just a single hi. 

That to share the same vision, to make a room in your life for a new person, to write a new story…is hard.

That, is how you realize that goodbye sucks.

22

This is an annual writing about ...

The Heart of The Matter

One day when I finally have kids on my own, I will teach them to clean up their own mess. To throw trashes on the appropriate trash bin. To follow the queue line. Not to use water more than what they need. To say sorry, please, and thank you. Tell them to respect everyone no matter what.

I may not be able to change the world. I may not be able to solve all the problems. This world has been a mess since forever. But I’m sure I can do small things, at least not to worsen this chaotic planet.

(I write this as a promise to myself not to be those kind of parents who tell their kids that it’s okay to be ignorant, selfish and rude. Pardon me but I just can’t hold the anger when I see parents who teach their kids to break the queue and throwing trash anywhere. I can easily find those kind of parents almost everywhere. Those kind of parents who create little monsters.)